Today Is My 39th Birthday - A Note Of Reflection.

Today is my 39th birthday! I love sitting with myself the day before and on the day to reflect, to quietly observe. As I look back on this last year of my thirties, I’m struck by how much it has been about a gentle shedding of layers. It hasn’t been about adding more to my life, but rather uncovering what was already there and really allowing myself to step into who I am.

Birthdays honour our time on earth, a full cycle around the sun. When we stop to actually say those words, a cycle around the sun, it puts everything into perspective. This year, that perspective has been a total realigning of stepping into my heart, mind and truth in full power. I’ve honoured the words I so often say in classes, "growth is where the discomfort is", and for me, that meant continuing to move through waves of social anxiety, feeling overstimulation and noticing abrupt moments when time stood still and stopped me from moving forwards.

I've felt a really big flow of opening and closing, the freedom to feel things clearly and Im very grateful to have been surrounded by people who have allowed me to express myself.

It's been a letting go of things in order to create more space and clarity. Upon truly letting go or voicing my needs clearly, I have allowed new things, people and energies to move towards my life.

So, what have I learnt this year?

STEPPING INTO THE ROLE

I've continued to enjoy allowing myself to step into my role as a teacher and a facilitator, this year will have been my 12th year of teaching classes and my goodness what a blessing this is. This year, I’ve been delving deep into the intention of what I offer, how I offer and who I offer for, honing my skills and really leaning into the knowledge that I have held so close to my heart and practiced and experienced in my own life.

It has been about aligning my offerings in a way that truly takes care of participants (it always has been), but, I've felt more comfortable voicing principles that I feel collectively we should all respect in order for our practice to thrive. If we really want to honour the practice of yoga and make a difference to our own wellbeing, principles like turning off your phone, respecting other people's personal space, honouring the moments of silence, being patient with others and setting the intention upon arriving is incredibly sacred. Another one I have continued to be vocal about, more so to other facilitators is, to stop photographing and filming students. We are in service of others, and must continue to come back to the question, who are we doing this for.

Im proud that I continue to share from a place of truth and authenticity, I haven't second guessed or waivered away from the tradition and lineage of yoga I have known and practiced since day one, I haven't tried to keep up with another narrative or the fast paced changing fads, I am grateful to share the truth of yoga with the purest of love and intention.

I am trusting that I have the tools to share from a place of depth, and there is a specific freedom in sharing from the heart, knowing that the practice I’ve put in behind the scenes is what allows me to hold that space for others. Long may my offerings continue to grow our beautiful community and I'm so incredibly grateful to have connected with each and everyone of you.

THE DRUM BIRTHING

Looking back already, the Drum Birthing workshop I attended with Sally Smiles was a massive chapter in my growth. It is incredibly apparent how much moving through my anxiety changed my life. I had to push past that internal voice as I have to pre-plan everything, give myself time to travel, know where things are and amazingly I still had butterflies because I was entering a space that was completely unknown to me. Birthing a drum was something I had felt called to do for such a long time, having shared sound healing for a few years the drum was a personal ally, I used to have a very large one that boomed and stirred up so many emotions and energies and this soon became a part of my private practice, and never made an appearance in a public event again. I knew this connection could grow as I took time to work with the whole hide of the animal and move through the ceremony of creating something from beginning to end, without conventional technique, a birthing from the ancestors. The day was beautiful and I felt so at home and at ease with Sally and her knowledge, I could feel her passion for what she offered and after those few hours and connecting with her, a week later she text me seeing if I wanted to meet up for a cuppa, I felt honoured and couldn't quite believe it. After being a facilitator for such a long time and never really connecting with anyone on a deep level (ever) I went along and we have been inseparable ever since. A true sister with the same soul, heart, brain, energy! From pushing past the anxiety just to show up it was a catalyst for everything that followed. It wasn't just about the drum; it was about the realization that when I move through the unknown, I open doors to entirely new versions of myself and my life.

COMMUNITY & RECIPROCITY

From the drum birthing and connecting with Sally it allowed me to reflect on the connections and friendships I’ve had. I have really allowed myself to nourish and take care of the friendships where I recognize the energy is receptive and automatic. It’s also allowed me to sit with the discomfort of recognizing friendships that have been one-sided, those moments where I have shown up and not received the care and attention from others. I've almost grieved those moments where I have always been the first to reach out and realise its been rare to get it back. It’s allowed me to learn to create more space for myself and my own self-care and self-preservation. Again, reminding me that self-care is not selfish, it is necessary. For the first time, I see a family and a community of beautiful people around me who get me, support me, and understand how my mind and energy works. Something I haven't ever really felt, even since childhood. So if you're moving into adulthood and feel as though you're experiencing a huge shedding or even feel like you're at the 'midlife crisis' stage, sit with yourself and look at whats happening around you, notice how that makes you feel within yourself. You can create change, its okay to feel waves, unsure, one of the best quotes I will always carry with me is:

If you're not changing it, you're choosing it.

THE DIAGNOSIS

In September, I was diagnosed as autistic. This has been a really big process for me to move through and I still am, It's also been something Ive kept very private, why, because its personal. I’ve been having reflections of my life as a teenager and how much I struggled, recognizing that there were certain outlets I needed because I didn't know how to regulate myself. From additive traits, hyper focus, creativity overload, constantly being the odd one out and having a very different way of processing things I wish I knew what I knew now when I was younger. The diagnosis came from a place of desperation when I experienced almost a shutdown towards late summer. It was very difficult to explain to Will and my family that this wasn't from stress, it was from the noise of the external world, sensory overload that was suffocating me.

From what seems like the simplest things, the ability to sit at the laptop and type a sentence, my brain cannot function if someone is talking, the music is on, or the TV is playing at the same time. I just shut down. Navigating teaching classes and day-to-day tasks as a mother while dysregulated was hard. I needed help. Allowing myself to sit in that discomfort and open up about how I manage my emotions made me recognize that yoga has been the only tool that has ever allowed me to regulate myself. Now, it all makes so much sense. Having practiced yoga for 14 years its been the only thing that has helped me stay connected to my body, its allowed me to notice the moments where I feel on the edge of overwhelm and has given me every tool I need to calm myself, honestly, when the penny dropped I couldn't quite believe it. I see and feel things differently and that's okay (we all do), but moving through this with Will and my parents has stripped back even more layers to expose my vulnerability, something that I have NEVER shared with anyone. Now we can giggle about the random things I can't physically cope with, like certain sounds, I can voice clearly if I'm not understanding something and also call out clearly that a certain scenario (hello plans changing) isnt working for me or my capacity. I feel grateful even at this age now, to step into myself with care and grace and feel more understood and held than I ever have before.

MOTHERHOOD & HEALING

I’ve had time to reflect on life as a child and its brought up sadness and anger, I didn't have support in secondary school into teenage years because my parents were not aware of the extent of things I felt or experienced, I was in shutdown most of my teenage life and realise how misunderstood I was, from the combination of textures of food and stress & anxiety from being bullied putting me into the doctors & hospital most weeks because I physically couldn't eat. If there was awareness back then this would have been a very different outcome, so I look back now and see how far Ive came. I’m incredibly grateful that there is more awareness now, and grateful that my parents were able to witness what I experience as an adult (from my assessment) and they know me better because of it. Its allowed me to show up even clearer as a mother to Gus, I can see his little quirks, when he's feeling 'too many things' and hold space and time for all of it. Being his mother has been such a beautiful journey and by understanding myself I can show up for him wholeheartedly, I feel so proud that we can talk, discuss, problem solve and be with each other openly. This whole thing is still something I am sitting with and want to quietly protect, I please ask you for your respect as I move through this process.

GROWING TOGETHER

This past year of my life has allowed me to shed layers and move into new connections, from feeling the nudge to physically and energetically move closer to Worcester I took the plunge to move one of my ‘staple’ offerings to a new venue in a new town, this took trust and a leap that I couldn’t really plan for and the receptivity and love that has enveloped me has been something else. The community and friendships that have grown into the truest bonds I have ever experienced makes my heart full, and moving in the direction that makes you feel good will only continue to grow the energy. These wonderful links and connections allow us all to thrive and my relationship with Will has flourished as we grow together while honouring each of our own pathways. It’s the way our relationship has always been, supporting each other doing what we love to do and I’m so proud to watch Wills own journey develop, witnessing that growth is something I’ll never take for granted. And seeing him now share mens community sessions and bring men together really is special, that once again, sharing for others, with others, gives us a purpose that cannot be described.

GRATEFUL OPPORTUNITIES

I’ve had some amazing opportunities this past year and want to put them within my mind map again, having the opportunity to sing has opened up a world I never quite imagined would open. Now, singing within Earth Song, creating music, writing songs and sharing bimonthly offerings bringing the community together to sing and connect with the land is crazy! Another jump into the unknown has literally plonked me into sharing my voice in a new way! I’ve taught at wonderful festivals like Orbit Festival and Soul Revolution, Rise Festival and feel very grateful to have been asked, seeked out and recommended by others, I love teaching at festivals and being within the energy of new offerings (all being well I have my self care in check and the freedom to leave when my capacity runs out 😂). I have had the pleasure of teaching classical mat pilates to beginners at Pilates rooms and honestly, Becki and her team in Stourbridge are probably the best Pilates teachers I’ve ever came across, their passion, knowledge and respect for classical Pilates is admirable, to be a part of their team for a year was amazing and teaching people from the very beginning was really special, a small class so I could share every single detail (can you imagine!) and walk them through step by step was amazing to witness. Sadly I let go of this job as I had the difficult decision to make as I was wanted in two places at once and my heart called to continue sharing yoga classes to the women’s autism group for Aurum Support in Malvern, following my own diagnosis sharing these techniques and tools that have literally been my own life line I knew I had to share with others, so I stepped away to put my heart into Aurum. Now I’m a part of the music collective with the Collective soul CIC and bringing the community together by creating music and songs, learning more about how we can serve the community has been a real eye opener for me and I’m excited to share even more community projects in the future!

ALIGNMENT

I’ve tailored the way that I work so I can be with my family more. I’ve allowed myself to let go of things that were pushing my capacity, and they have opened up so much space that has already been filled with things so much more fulfilling and in alignment. I’m allowing myself to gently take time to look after myself. I’m allowing myself to love and be loved. I’m exploring new skills and recognizing that those tiny steps into the anxiety are where the growth is. I continue to magnetize playful energy from those around me, and I feel so grateful for the freedom to teach and share from the heart.

It's been a year of reflection, shedding, stepping into but most of all aligning. Funny that when we arrived into this year of 2026 my 'affirmation' was ALIGNMENT. Long may it continue.

GRIEVING

Alongside the alignment we have to feel the waves of letting go and loss. Having felt these waves personally I do feel it's something sacred we should experience behind closed doors. Loss allows us to grow, it puts so many things into perspective and may create a bigger shift within our own lives of how we see the world. So if you are experiencing loss, you are loved and supported quietly through this process. There isn't a rush or a time limit when the veil will lift and the imprint will always rest within our hearts and minds. Allow the process to create more light and perspective in life, I hope it gives us more strength and connection to our own wellbeing but I also like to see it as a lense to have more compassion and empathy for others.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNT

Anxiety is a portal: The butterflies in our belly are not a stop sign, they are the sensations of emotion, are we sitting in comfort or willing to move through the waves of the unknown. Moving through it and learning to step into it, even if there is fear of the unknown, THIS is where the magic lives.

The diagnosis is a map: My diagnosis was a manual for my nervous system, not a label of limitation. I now know my shutdowns are sensory, not emotional, and that honouring my capacity is an act of self love.

Vulnerability is a bridge: By sharing my diagnosis and my random sensory triggers with Will and my parents, I’ve allowed myself to be truly held and understood for the first time. We can now giggle at the quirks and navigate the world together with grace.

Boundaries are sacred: In 12 years of teaching, I’ve learnt that protecting the container is my primary job. Saying no to phones and filming in class isn't being strict it’s honouring the tradition and the peace of the students I serve.

Reciprocity is the metric: I no longer pour energy into one-sided friendships. I’ve learnt to grieve the lack of effort from others and make space for the authentic connections that nourish me rather than drain me.

Yoga is my medicine: After 14 years, I finally understand why I was drawn to the mat. It wasn’t just a career, it was the only tool that could help me regulate myself. It truly is a lifeline.

Grief is a sacred refinement: Loss puts everything into perspective. I’ve learnt to hold space for the waves of letting go behind closed doors, allowing the process to soften my heart and sharpen my empathy for others moving through their own shadows.

If you’re not changing it, you’re choosing it: This is the truth. When I first read it, it hurt!

Healing is intergenerational: By uncovering why I struggled as a teenager, I have gained the tools to hold space for everyones feelings. Understanding my past has made me a more wholehearted mother in the present.

The "Slow Yes" and the "Fast No": I’ve learnt to say "no" to opportunities that push my capacity so I can say a full, resounding "yes" to what aligns with my heart.

Creativity is a playground: From Earth Song to the Collective Soul, I’ve learnt that I don’t have to be an expert to start. Letting myself be a beginner in singing and music has kept my energy playful and magnetized.

The power of the pause: I have learnt the importance of stopping to ask, "How does this actually make me feel?" Whether it's a social commitment, a work project, or a friendship, if we don't pause to check our internal weather, we can't find our alignment. I encourage you to sit with that question today, how does your life feel within your body right now?

Alignment is the Goal: When I move toward what feels "good" and "right" energetically, the community and the resources follow. I don't need to force, I trust the process.

I feel incredibly grateful to grow each year with you. Thank you for taking the time to read my reflections, your time and your presence are the best gifts I could ask for. When your next birthday comes around, look at it kindly. Don't throw the previous year away, go deeper and learn the lessons from it.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to you!

V x